Thursday, March 21, 2013

Emoji Mama



I just had something happen to me that I need to talk about.  Nothing serious, but I just came to the startling realization that an adjective that I've long used to describe myself no longer applies.

As an example, I used to be able to say, "I'm a marathon runner", but with eight years between me and my last race, I can now only say, "I used to be a marathon runner."  I also used to be able to describe my boobs as "perky".  Again, no longer applicable.  

Those are all fine and dandy, but the one that hurts, the one I need to talk about is....(gulp).....young.  I just had something happen that abruptly alerted me to the fact that I am no longer young, which means I am also no longer cool.  And of course even trying to identify yourself as cool only reiterates the fact that you are not cool or young.  Have you ever met a self-described "Cool Mom" who is in fact cool?  Didn't think so.  

The moment I realized that I was no longer young was when I received this text message:


Hold the phone. Is that a smiling poo? And what is it doing in a text message? When did I get so old? How did she do that? I want a smiling poo in my text message! Waaaaaaaah.  

So like any "cool mom", I immediately forced Diana to show me how to get smiling poos and snowflakes and shiny hearts, or emojis, as the kids call them, in my text messages.  And like any un-cool "cool mom", I began using emojis with reckless abandon.


I also used emojis to try to get laid. 


It didn't work.  

Disappointed in my lack of emoji mastery, I went back to the source - Diana.  She's funny and fun and does "young people things" like gchat, so I asked her for help.  How could a boring mom like me spice up my texting life in an age-appropriate way?  She then showed me this:


This is a text between Diana and her mom, who it appears not only uses emojis but uses them with flourish.  I immediately knew her mom was onto something.  Forget smiling monkeys and ice cream cones, emojis can also be used for drama and guilt, something us moms are really, really good at.  


Chickens?  One represents Diana and one her sister.  Her mom felt they were acting like animals.  I'm speechless.

Thanks to the chicken-texting Diana's Mom, I could see a light at the end of the tunnel - a world in which I can be both a mom and a texter of emojis.  I know my kids are a little young to start texting, but I'm already working on my emoji replies to what I anticipate will be their most common requests.

- Can I go out tonight?



No.



- Please?




Don't make me say it twice.



- You're so mean.




Call someone who cares.  Grandma.



- But....




Shhh.  I'm watching tv.

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