Monday, November 4, 2013

Wear Your Daughter to Work Day


In my crusade to outdress Kim Kardashian, I'm wearing a baby to work today. The birdie and I basically plan to spend the day re-enacting scenes from 9 to 5 and taking selfies in front of the Catching Fire billboard across from my office. I called dibs on Dolly Parton in 9 to 5, so the birdie is just going to have to be satisfied with the role of Jane Fonda.  Thank goodness the birdie already happens to be wearing a pint-sized thong leotard, which I hear Baby North is planning to wear in this year's Kardashian family Christmas photo. Two steps ahead of you, KK.

A recap of my commute to work with a 24-lb. human strapped to my chest - as a testament to the perpetual yin and yang of New York City humanity, no sooner did a woman yell at me for holding on to the wrong side of the escalator with the only hand I had free, blocking her from walking down the escalator to perform emergency vascular surgery get in line at Starbucks, did another woman offer to help me carry my bags (which I didn't need, but she was nice so we walked to work together from the bus).

A few notes to my colleagues for a successful Wear Your Daughter to Work Day for everyone:

- Please do not use the following words around the birdie: "cookie", "kooky" or "c-o-o-k-i-e" around her or she will assume you have cookies in your pocket, and she will be left with no choice but to attack you.
- She likes to play with binder clips.
- She is highly ticklish under her neck. Her giggle is hilarious, but she can also turn on you the flick of a baby wrist. I'm not saying you can't tickle her, but consider yourself forewarned. 85% of the time the risk is outweighed by the reward.
- She calls everyone "daddy". Do not be alarmed.              

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